wishing

"And suddenly, it's December, and you're not 17 anymore, and you haven't been 17 in a long time." – unknown.

I get a pit in my stomach when I remember I haven't been 17 in three years.

I'll be 20 in January.

At 17, life felt infinite. People always told me, "You have a long life ahead." I know I'll be "only 20". But a quarter of my life has been lived.

I cannot help but wish.

I wish I had accomplished more.

I wish I were kinder.

I wish I had forgiven.

I wish I loved more.

I wish I had gone to college earlier.

I wish I had done better in high school.

I wish I had everything figured out.

I wish we could get married already.

I wish.

I wish.

I wish.

I'll just wish my life away, and I'll be 50, thinking yet again:

"I wish I had accomplished more."

Suddenly, it's December, and I'm not 17 anymore.

Suddenly, I'm 20 and realize all my dreams are in front of me.

Suddenly, I'm 20, and I know I'm with the love of my life.

Suddenly, I'm 20, and

Suddenly, I'm 20

I wasted the first 19 years wishing I was something I'm not.

Suddenly, I'm 20, and I've never been satisfied.

Hopefully, by 21, I'll be satisfied.

But there I go again, wishing.